Choose your own adventure plant-based ‘meat’

I call this choose your own adventure meat, because so long as you have some gluten (sometimes called vital wheat gluten), some nuts, some flavourful liquid and oil, you should good to go to create this.

Don’t be afraid to add in whatever you have, this recipe is super versatile. That being said, you need the gluten. You can find it at most bulk food stores.

As always, consider what the end result for this cruelty-free meat is going to be. If it’s gonna get slathered in barbecue sauce and thrown on a bun, go with wine and lotsa garlic. If you’re going to toss these into Caesar salad, I’d go with white wine or beer, and toss in some thyme or sage to make the flavours a bit more chicken-y. For a beefy flavour, I’d likely do dark beer and add a bit more soy sauce. HAVE FUN WITH IT.

Blend:

  • 1/2 cup nuts or seeds (hemp, sunflower, walnut, almonds, pumpkin seeds, hazelnuts all work)
  • 1/2 cup broth
  • 1/2 cup beer or wine (think about your flavour palette)
  • 1 TBSP refined coconut oil (canola would be an OK sub)
  • 2 TBSP soy sauce (or braggs, tamari or coconut aminos would be fine)

Blend until completely liquid.

The next step will involve kneading for 5-10 minutes, you can do this with a Kitchen-Aid (even with the regular mixer, though dough hook is preferred).

I’ve done this my with food processor, but since the heat comes from below (not from above as with a KitchenAid), the centre of my Ninja food processor got super hot, and I feel like that affected the kneading.

You could also knead this by hand, but gluten is super duper tough and you will have sore arms.

Combine liquid ingredients with:

  • 2-4 cloves garlic, finely minced
  • 1/4 of an onion, finely minced
  • 1/4 cup nooch (nutritional yeast)
  • 2 TBSP flax
  • 1 & 1/2 cups gluten

Your machine may struggle or overheat after 5 minutes, if it’s getting warm and sounds sketchy, turn it off for a few minutes before continuing.

Let knead for 5-10 minutes, until super stretchy and shiny.

When kneading is almost done, start boiling some water, and fit a steamer above and add your seitan.

Let simmer for 30 minutes.

Once it’s done simmering, be smart and let it cool by placing it in a snowy location the dogs can’t get at. Or wait, if you have time. Or be an idiot like me and try and cut it immediately and burn yourself. All good options.

Once cool, slice into desired shapes. Nothing thicker than 1/2 an inch (1-2 cm).

Heat oil in a cast iron pan over medium heat

Once oil is hot, add your slices in:

Once browned and some parts are crispy, add some homemade barbecue sauce in, and turn off the heat (if you are not using cast iron leave heat on minimum).

Toss pretend meat with BBQ sauce until well coated and sauce is reduced a bit:

These are delicious with BBQ Sauce and Coleslaw on a bun:

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